LIFE || (So Called) Fabulous Facebook Life


Oh Facebook.  At one point in your existance you were once useful to me.  I could keep in touch with people I used to go to school with who I’d drifted apart from and you gave me the opportunity to stalk make friends with people who I found attractive at college or in the workplace, without being overly obvious….but now my heart belongs to Twitter because it is less full of idiots.

I once read something that compared the two social networking sites, it was something like…

Twitter: making you fall in love with people you’ve never met.
Facebook: making you hate people you know in real life.

With Facebook, if it’s not requests to send nails and horses to people who have nothing better to do with their lives than play Farmville for 8 hours a day, or people asking for lives and tickets to advance a level on Candy Crush – I’m being constantly updated with people who want to gloat about how fabulous their lives are.

Call me a miserable old cynic, but if you have to constantly boast to people on Facebook about how fabulous your life is, it can’t be that fabulous.  If it was fabulous you wouldn’t have time to update me (who spends her evening sitting in bed in Bridget Jones pants, hair in a pineapple bun with her face covered in sudcorem) with the latest progressions of what furniture you’ve bought for your new house.  And how fabulous your husband is.  And that you just had THE MOST FABULOUS pitta bread for tea.  And that your child just did such a precious poop in its nappy it almost made you cry. (and that you’re a massive **** ?!?!?!)

If your life was so fabulous you’d be sitting in your new house, eating pitta bread with your husband and cooing at your baby who’s just filled its nappy, but you’re not. 

I have one friend on Facebook who seems to think that Facebook is used purely to gloat.  She used to be the loveliest girl when we were at school together, but now all her life seems to consist of is how much money she’s got, where shes going on holiday, all of the extravagant gifts that her husband buys her and then there’s the awkward posy photos of them looking SO IN LOVE on all of their weekend expeditions.  At least once a month I find my finger hovering over the “unfriend” button and don’ because I’m too much of a wimp to deal with the backlash.

It’s not that I’m bitter (honest) – because I’ve been there.  I’ve had the holidays, a new house, a partner who loves me AND fabulous pitta bread – but I never felt the need to share it all over Facebook.   Of course I’m happy for my “friends” who are “totes, maj” in love – I’m nothing if not a cheerleader for love, romance and all that happiness, but even I have trouble digesting it when its rammed down my throat and a daily basis (and it all seems so fake)  And its not EVERBODY on my timeline, I have people who will put life updates on Facebook and I’m genuinely happy for them, because they’re not morons.

Its THOSE people.  Those annoying Facebook boasters who will tag themselves in at “home” (which is named something vom worthy like “Snookums and Boo Boos Love Nest) with their partner and then post pictures of them kissing in matching onesies that causes my stomach to bring up my breakfast in disgust or want to smash my phone against my forehead (as you can tell, this has happened this morning)

Somebody PLEASE pass me a chocolate bar or a large gin before someone starts me on people who flood my timeline with hourly pictures/updates of their child.

<i>And breathe…</i>

  • Lois

    Urgggh I know! Anytime I feel like posting a possibly douchey status I just think ‘Who will ACTUALLY give a toss?’ and ‘Will this make me look like a complete loser?’. I just wish others would think the same before they tag themselves ‘At home with the boyf <3' about 13 times a day….

  • Ashleigh Millward

    This. But then at the other end of the spectrum are the “my life is so shit I’m going to make yours just as shit by constantly telling you how shit mine is so that you feel shit about the fact that your life isn’t as shit as mine” type people. I’ve completed gotten rid of my Facebook account in the last couple of months, but prior to me leaving, I had one girl, who was one of my close friend’s sister in law, but had kind of become a friend of mine too, who would constantly update her status with “could really do with a cuddle right now” or “i wish I had someone to cuddle”, or it would be “why is everything so crap?” “why does this stuff always happen to me? I just can’t be arsed anymore,” “AARRRGH I hate life” or sometimes, when life was so shit she couldn’t even be bothered to think of anything to say, simply “:(”
    Now don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I’m a hideously unsupportive person who thinks everyone should suffer in silence, but I’m 100% certain that picking up the phone, calling a friend, and talking through what’s going on to make you feel down, is more productive than sharing it with your 200+ “friends” on Facebook, every day.
    I just use my blog to gloat these days though ;)

    • OH. MY. GOD. The lone sadface! That’s got to be the ultimate annoying social media update. GAH!!!

  • Oh gaaaad I hate facebook. I rented about it a while back too and after deleting it in October do NOT miss it. In fact reading this has re-ignited my FB anger!

    I had a friend who ALWAYS moaned an bitched her way thru the day..updating her status at least every twenty minutes…it was misery!

    Another girl I went to school with was exactly the same as you describe: lovely but constantly showing off her perfect life. Their holiday pics were all of her posing on the beach in.skimpy swimwear and she always posted pics of when she was spoilt by her bf…. Ironically they split up so her wafer thin plan of trying to show off her perfect life fell flat on its face!!

    Then she just looked silly.

    Damn u FB.


  • My eyes were opened the day that I was sitting with my friend and her husband of one month. They had been fighting ALL day, and at the moment were fighting over which kind of crackers were the healthiest. Their bickering was uncomfortable for everyone. Lo and behold, while sititng at said cracker table, I get a notification from facebook. This friend’s status read, “I love vacations with my amazing husband and friends. I love him so much and think about how lucky I am every day!” (with every single person there tagged in the status, of course). That’s when I realized facebook is mostly a lie, and if you are really having an amazing vacation with your hubby, you’re going to just enjoy that amazing vacation and not post about it.

    Rant over lol!!


  • “Snookums and Boo Boos Love Nest” <– OMG!! This, this soooo much!! Haha.

    I think we all have people like this on Facebook! Can I also add the endless "share this photo to win one of 6 million brand new iPhones because they arrived without cellophane on so they're obviously completely of no use".

    I love the comparison of Twitter and Facebook. Sure some people are annoying on Twitter, but maybe it's something to do with the limited characters and quick moving feed that makes me so much happier hanging out there. Facebook is the devil!

    Sophie | onetenzeroseven

  • Bleeeugh I hate Facebook. I deleted it last year, people ask me why.. and it’s this, basically.

  • Sophie

    I KNOW Facebook is getting so annoying now! I can’t even scroll down my newsfeed without wanting to hit about 6 people!! Haha great blog post though, made me chuckle:) x

  • Is it just me or the do the images of couples/families all sat there in their onesies freak you the fuck out? I’m not a onesie lover anyhow, but the thought of ‘family time’ with them all onesied up makes me feel a little sick.

  • oh my this made me chuckle. and the quote about facebook and twitter is so true. theres some on my profile that probably assume I have no life as I fail to share my experiences with everyone on there. The worst are the ones that need to update you every five minutes on what their baby is doing, how they had to go to the doctors etc, all in one little status, and the added bonus of poor grammer ;) , or like you said the ones that boast their fabulous lives!! great post lovely xx

  • the one i hate is the I’m really pissed off……. and then loads of people ask why or make a huge fuss and the person who put the status there doesn’t answer!!! Also people who have arguments or slag other people off without mentioning their names when they do an update- I don’t care and please don’t air your dirty laundry in public!!!
    I much prefer Twitter these days everyone is much nicer and more friendly! x

  • You can stop people from showing up on your news feed, then the only way you see anything they post is by going to their profile. I’ve done this with quite a few people on mine that I can’t delete cause it will cause too many problems! If you go on their page, hover over the “friends” tab then un check “show in news feed” problem solved lol :) x

  • Mia

    I know what you mean! With my Facebook there are two extremes; people are either complaining and/or bragging or being hugely distasteful. A lot of people I happen to be friends with on Facebook are party animals with no dignity and/or very, very cheap. Too many times I’ve scrolled through my feed and found pictures that melon on Page 3. Facebook has become a social networking site I hate using because most of the people that use it, I have no remote interest in. Especially regarding their food. If they have nice food and I don’t, reading their status about said yummy food does not please me. :) x

  • Jayde Paris

    And breathe….. Ha ha ha!!! Funniest post I’ve read and it’s too funny because I can relate! Facebook drives me insane – it’s always the same people that pipe up on there too, bragging or whining or attention seeking. I’ve currently got over 300 friend requests too, from people I don’t even know, like how do they find you to start with? Don’t get me started on poking, wow – really? I get it if you’re having a little banter or personal joke going on with a friend that understands the mutual feeling of poking and it’s embarrassing awkwardness but as for the random 30 years older than me guy with the creepy profile picture – straight up block and delete.

    I’m loving your blog!

  • Michaela

    This is so true! Facebook gets so annoying, everybody puts on a front!

  • This is the reason I deactivated my Facebook. I really couldn’t be dealing with the people on there.
    Definitely agree Twitter is definitely a better site to be on.

    What bugged me about people on FB (although I’ve noticed a few people do it on twitter lately too) is those who are “out having a boss time”… yet they’re on their phones facebooking (or tweeting it).
    When I’m out, unless I’m deathly bored, I don’t even look at my phone because I’m too busy enjoying myself and the company of friends.
    Baffles me.

    Sure at the end of the night once you’ve got in, put some warm pjs on and sat with a nice hot choc feel free to update your status with “Had a great night tonight,” no problems with that. But to constantly update whilst your out really makes me think you’re night isn’t all that great.

    Silly people and facebook.

  • I deleted Facebook last year (or maybe the year before) and guess what? Nothing changed. I still have a social life and I still keep in contact with the people I wanted to keep in contact with.

    Problem now is that I have a fake Facebook (Fakebook?) to enter competitions and stuff with but people have started to add me as a friend on there and I get emails from Facebook daily, even with all notifications turned off. I really dislike it as a social network..!

  • Duh, I just realised I already commented on this post. BYYEEEE MEMORY