Break ups are hard. If you read my “This Is Not A Love Story” post some breakups play out like the final scene from the Titanic. It’s dramatic, it’s heartwrenching and getting over an ex is bloody well painful. But what comes after the breakup is the healing pains that comes with bidding adieu to someone who has been a part of your life for so long. You’ve laughed and cried together, shared secrets, gotten to know eachothers family and then you just have to act like if you passed eachother in the street you wouldn’t know one another. As Elton John and Blue once sang “it’s a sad sad situation” but its something that we’ve all been through at some point in our lives (unless you’re really sickeningly happy, *spit*).
There are one, or two (or ten) ways to help you deal with a break up:
1. Try to limit contact. Yes, you used to spend all day everyday texting eachother when you were together and if you’re not texting them the only texts you get are off Dominos, PPI claims or your parents checking you’re not hanging from a shower rail but *whispers* you’re not together anymore. Unless it’s life and death or you’re arguing about who owns which boxset you’re just prolonging the eventual time when contact between the two of you ceases to exist, or going communication cold turkey as I like to call it.
2. Block them on Facebook/Twitter/Linkedin/your old Myspace account. It’ll do you both a world of good. Trust me. This way you won’t find yourself scrolling through their timeline at 1am and getting upset by all the fun they’re having without you, or obsessing over every person who likes their “no longer in a relationship” status or having to have their new partner rubbed in your face all the time.
3. Stop wearing their old sweater when you’re cold/their tshirt to bed. It was his favourite hoody that he gave to you when you were cold walking home from a date? That’s sweet. But honestly, everytime you wear it you’re going to think of that date and how you felt, what you wearing or the moment they kissed you good night. This will not help the healing process, this will simply be like rubbing salt into an open wound.
4. Enough with the love songs already sweetheart. Sobbing into your pillow to Roxette’s “It Must Have Been Love” or Toni Braxton’s “How Could An Angel Break My Heart” isn’t going to change things, it’s just going to leave your eyes looking swollen and puffy and your pillow damp and there’s only so much cold and used tea bags can do for those peepers. Pull up a Spotify playlist which boasts the likes of Bey and “I Hate You So Much Right Now” and get angry. Or happy…. remember that feeling?
5. Focus on why the relationship didn’t work rather than looking at it through rose tinted “we were a match made in heaven” glasses. Was the relationship coming undone for a while? What can you get out of life that you couldn’t when you were with that person?
6. So you ignored the Facebook blocking advice? That’s your funeral, but don’t try that “rubbing it in their face” strategy of having *fake cracking smile* a great time now that you’re single. Updating your social media every hour or so with seductive selfies and all the AMAZING things you’re doing is transparent and to be honest, a little desperate.
7. Keep busy. Get a hobby, a cat, a dog, go to the gym, start scrapbooking, take up knitting, bake. Just do something to keep your mind busy to stop you obsessing or getting twitchy fingers and fill the time you’d usually spend together. Plus, new hobbies may equal new friends or more.
8. Obsessing over something is ultimately unhealthy and is going to drive you insane. Rememeber the saying “curiosity killed the cat”? No good ever comes from snooping. Whether it be on social media or asking their friends how they’re doing or accidentally turning up at the same gig as him. Make like Elsa from Frozen and “let it gooooo!”
9. Get on internet dating. I know its a long shot and I’ve been one to diss internet dating websites in the past but think of it is a “you’ve got to get back on the horse” exercise. You can see what’s out there without actually commiting to anything completely. Use it as a platform to chat and get to know guys rather than to find the next “love of your life”. Use it as a bit of a confidence boost and revel in some attention from the opposite sex.
10. Focus on you. You know you? Have some alone time and a chance to be comfortable with the new single you. Don’t waste valuable “licking your wounds” time chasing after something that’s well and truly over.