Ah bonfire night. Another one of the “holidays” of autumn/winter which I look forward to all year round. Whether you’re going to an arranged public bonfire and firework display or spending the night with your nearest and dearest huddled around a little DIY fire and setting off your own bangers, there’s something about bonfire night that’s kind of magical. The smell of the smoke, the bright lights, the warmth of the fire, having your hands wrapped around a mug of mulled wine…

I spent my bonfire night with my family drinking cider and eating hot dogs, its kind of a family ritual and as always with family get togethers, they’re moments that I really do treasure *gets out mini violin*.

But me being me, and being a little smutty (just a little) during the firework display I likened the performance of a firework to that of a mans bedroom prowess & obviously I thought I’d share with you my thoughts.

Men as Fireworks

The ones that are just pretty. There’s no bang or excitement, they just kind of sit there sparkling away and looking pretty…They’re those TOWiE type boys who are far too good looking to actually make an effort in bed, so they just lay there flexing their muscles and try to ensure you don’t touch their hair.

You know those fireworks that start off promising, they’re pretty to look at, there’s a few fizzing and banging noises but they just don’t quite live up to the expectation… those my friends are called anti climaxers. Or if you’re really unlucky, no climax. At all.

The catherine wheel man is the one who throws you around the bedroom, they’re fast, they’re wild and they go all out. Eventually this initial spinning feeling fizzles out.

You know how Elton John sang about Rocket Man….?  One bang and he’s done (do I really need to elaborate?)

Those firework cakes with both pretty lights and bangs and swirls and crackles, they keep you gasping and excited to see whats coming next – THEY’RE the kind of men you want to look out for.