And whilst a mind blowing, intense, shakes-your-world orgasm after every sexual encounter sounds like the dream, the number of women experiencing orgasms through sex in relation to men is pretty… telling in their complexity (or just bone idle lovers).  Whilst there are a good proportion of women getting the grade A stuff on the regular (we salute you), others aren’t quite getting there, suffering in silence (“it’s my clitoris not the sphinx”) or giving up entirely and finishing themselves off when their partner nips to the shower.

Everybody wants to have more intense, better, longer, faster orgasms so I rounded up some of the best tips the internet (& experience) has to offer.

a mind blowing, intense, shakes-your-world orgasm after every sexual encounter sounds like the dream

First of all, stop faking them.  If you’re not getting there through what your partner is already doing, how the hell are they going to learn what actually works?  All you’re doing is setting yourself up for a lifetime (or foreseeable future) of Oscar winning performances and almost-there experiences.  Don’t worry about bruising anyones ego or feel you’re critiquing their technique.  Communicated correctly during of after sex, you can let them know what works for you  rather than laying back and knowing full well that its. never. gonna. happen.  Can’t quite put your finger on what works for you?  Experiment alone and work out what kind of stimulation, pressure, speed etc gets you there and let him know.  Hotter yet, show him.

You Can’t Hurry Love

There are a few things that need to happen within your body to achieve an orgasm: vascocongestion (increased blood flow), myotonia (muscle tension), brain opiate (love hormone) all need to be present as well as stimulation to release that bloody wonderful pleasure feeling, dopamine.  Allowing these to build slowly and gradually will lead to a prolonged and intense orgasm as opposed to crack one out quickly and efficiently.  I mean, you still might get there but it may not be one of those mind blowing, toe curling numbers that All of those working together and building gradually will lead to a more intense orgasm, rather than treating it like a race and trying to get there. 

Relax

It sounds silly but a large part of the female orgasm is about brain and body balance.  Unlike men, women can’t just think about sex and be ready for action immediately, in fact research says that women need a little longer to switch off from everyday life before they can even get in the zone, so it takes a little bit (okay, much) longer for women to warm up than men do.  That being said, try not to worry about how long you’re taking to reach climax because that’s only going to undo all the work he’sput in thus far. Over thinking (or “Spectatoring”) when you’re too busy worrying about how you look, whether he’s enjoying himself, if he’s into your moves for example can be counterintuitive and mean that you may never get there.  Switch all of that off, breathe and let the erotic sensations take over.

As we’ve already mentioned, during an orgasm, muscles contract giving you that whole ‘loss of control’ feeling.  Which if you want to be specific, contract every 0.8 seconds and mean an orgasm can last anywhere between 13 and 51 seconds.  Toning those muscles means that you can help those muscles along.  Yep, I’m talking about your kegels.  Giving your kegels a work out keeps them toned and tightened meaning they’ll be primed and ready for that big moment.  You can do Kegel exercises anywhere (I’m doing them as I type).  Simply squeeze the muscles in your pelvic floor, hold for three seconds, release for three seconds.  Does this for up to 10 times, 3 times a day.  An extra Kegel exercise tip?  Try doing them when he’s inside you.  The feeling of your muscles expanding and contracting around him… well let’s just say its an enjoyable experience for him.

All Hail The Clitorus

It seems like a no brainer but give the clitoris some TLC.  There are between 3-5 types of female orgasm of which clitoral is one. 70-80% of women can’t orgasm through penetrative or PIV (Penis In Vagina) sex alone so its often the clitoris that has to step up and deliver the goods.  Incorporate clitoral play into your foreplay and sex positions that stimulate the area.  Girl on top is the perfect position as your clitoris will rub against him as you grind or doggy means he (or you) can apply that stimulation at the same time.   Think missionary is never gonna get you there?  Wrong.  When he enters, have him lift himself further up so that when he thrusts, he makes contact with your clitoris.  What’s key here is that this isn’t just about penetration, its stimulating the clit and aren’t we all learning just how damn important that is?

Introduce Toys

Vibrators were designed to deliver the big O so introducing one into solo sessions or the bedroom with your partner is going to increase the likelihood of an orgasm and the quality.  If you’re buying a sex toy specifically to deliver orgasms, you need to be on the look out for one that targets your clitoris, the G Spot or if you want exceedingly good O – one that hits two birds with one stone.

Darling Its Better Down Where Its Wetter

… take it from me.  Lube can get a bit of a bad rep as ‘cheating’, so let’s shed the stigma right here that needing it or using it is a bad thing.  First of all, how wet you are is not always an indicator of how aroused you are.  Some people are just naturally wetter than others and how wet (or dry) you are can come down to a range of factors including age, medication etc.   If you need it, use it.  It prevents any discomfort and means that you’re good to engage in a wider range of acts/positions which lead to more and better orgasms.  There’s also lubricants on the market with a heating or tingling sensation that are designed to heighten the feeling and make things more intense

A Rush of Blood

Anybody else feel extra sensitive and feel friskier when they’re due on their period?That’s because, unsurprisingly, everything down stairs is tied together.  Oestrogen levels drop before and after your period which means you feel less sexual and can cause vaginal dryness, both of which work against an orgasmic pay off, HOWEVER, our vaginas are as complex as women themselves because orgasms during your period (through masturbation or if you and your partner are comfortable with period sex) because the increased blood flow to the area leads to greater sensitive and a more intense orgasm.  What about during the rest of your month?  Well, oestrogen levels are up and your libido peaks during/just before ovulation and therefore your chance of having an orgasm goes up.

Hit the Spot

Pay attention to other erogenous zones.  We’ve all seen the episode of Friends where Monica and Rachel are giving Chandler some help and so we’ve all seen that mixing up your standard, 1 2 with a 1, 3, 4, 2 or throwing in that all important 7 (SEVEN!!) can lead to mind blowing orgasms.It’s not just the G that hits the spot (see what I did there?), there’s also the A spot (Anterior Fornix) which is located inside the vagina on the upper wall and can be stimulated with a finger, penis or sex toy.  Like having your nipples played with?  Nipple stimulation during foreplay is great, but did you know that they alone have orgasmic potential?  Having them sucked and caressed releases that all important oxytocin and and tweaked or pulled at the right moment could push you over the edge.

Edge Your Bets

‘Edging’ (a technical sexual term, I’ll have you know) may not be for everyone, mainly because it takes a lot of self control and borders a little bit on orgasm denial.  Edging is where you bring yourself almost to orgasm, I’m talking ‘on a cliff edge and ready to wonderfully fall’ .. and then stopping.  “But it’s taken me 30 minutes to get there, are you crazy?” A little, yes, but hear me out.  Once you’re almost there, the hard work is pretty much done and it’ll take a fraction of the time to get you back there.  And the result?  An intense O that is worth bloody waiting for (I promise)