As the song goes, the female of the species is more deadlier than the male.. I wanted to do a post about the reasons why I would rather be female than male. There are a few. Don’t worry, there’s going to be a flip side of this, where I talk about why men are better than women – ain’t no man hating on here, merely the act of pointing out when men screw up splendidly (its not my fault if its more often than not – I JOKE).
When it comes to arousal, women are able to be a lot discreet about what is tickling our fancy. Morning wood, random boners when watching Jeremy Kyle, having to shield your “modesty” with a cushion or the readjusting of the “little soldier” on the train – no thank you.
We don’t develop this instant bond to football which is akin to the bond one would have with a child of your own loins. I remember Euro 96, England being knocked out of the tournament and witnessing my dad retreat into the garden with tears in his eyes and have a breakdown on the same scale as I do when I watch The Notebook/try to epilate. I wanted to insert the sentence “it’s only a football game” to this paragraph, but I learnt at a young age that I shouldn’t refer to football as “just a game” so I just stood and though “you’re bark raving mental” and went back inside to play with my Barbies.
We can talk to our friends about how we feel to our hearts content. I can spend hours upon hours to a friend on the phone dissecting the inner workings of her boyfriends mind, how she really wants a dress but she doesn’t know if it makes her back look fat, that the man at work stresses her out so much that she wants to smash the monitor over his head, that she’s fallen out with her mum and doesn’t know how to start speaking to her again. Men? Not so much. The most they share is a tube of Pringles, and you’re really pushing it at that.
Women receive a text message and they reply. Men, not so much. I’ve come to believe that a mans phone can be likened to the Bermuda Triangle. Any messages that enter this device can become lost for life. Have you ever sent a message to a guy, for it to be read, not replied to and then days later he’ll text you randomly with no mention of the message you sent? Thats because it got lost, either that or he has amnesia.
You know how when women wake up in the morning, you look in the mirror, scream from the shock and then precede to pile on all kinds of lotions, potions and utilising god knows how many make up trickery. Through the powers of concealing, brightening, highlighting a liberal helping of a bright lipstick, women can can go from looking like a sloth with a hangover to a passable human. Men however? They wake up looking how they look, and bar a wash, a shave and a bit of hair product – thats as good as they’re going to look for the day. Shame isn’t it?
Multitasking. Lets just face it, women have this built in ability to muiltitask. I can apply a face full of makeup, make food, check my emails, do the choreography to the whole of Beyonces “Run the World” and find a cure for world peace all at the same. Men struggle to do one thing at once. Imagine how long it would take to do everything you needed to do if you had to do it one thing at a time, like a man?
We don’t have to play up to our friends. Along the same lines of being able to share feelings, men have this unexplainable macho macho man-ness that they have to uphold in order to impress the other alpha males in their group. Do you remember that scene in Grease where Danny Zucko bumps into Sanday again? “What happened to the Danny Zucko I met at the beach?” asked Sandy, full of expectation that Danny at Ryedale High would be the same Danny she jumped in and out of the waves with. “Well I do not know” answers Danny, instant switch in personality “why don’t you take out a missing persons ad, or try the yellow pages – I don’t know”. Behind all that masquerade Danny’s heart is probably doing the conga, but infront of the T-Birds he has to act like a generic male A-hole. Sandy then goes out with Tom the jock to make Danny jealous and jealous he does get. I know it all works out eventually in the end, but it would happen a lot sooner if it weren’t for the “man rules”.
Tell me your “reasons why I’d rather be a woman than a man” ladies … men – any reasons why you’d rather be a woman (that doesn’t involve the word “BOOBS!”)
Part 2 to come….