“What Are You After?”

I’ve been asked this one question about four times in a week by different people, and each time I’ve sat taking in air like a goldfish, my mouth opening and closing as the cogs in my brain struggle to find an answer, because I honestly don’t really know.  For once in my existance I’m utterly bewildered and am left speechless…

“What are you after?” (in terms of a relationship)

How does one answer this question?


“Nothing serious” is full of mine holes and misinterpretation of what the statement means.  This is usally seen as being a sex on tap arrangement.  On the one hand, I’m not looking for a friends with benefits deal where a call for the booty variety is made at midnight, an orgasm is delivered and voila.  That’s not and never has been how I roll.  I need something more than that (sorry David Beckham/Justin Timberlake/Adam Levine – I know you’re disappointed to hear this).

If you say you’re after anything other than “nothing serious” it makes you sound like a neurotic bunny boiler.  You’re apparently already envisaging walking up the aisle with this person, picking out napkins with monogrammed initials, signing up for a joint bank account and basically running through fields together happier than pigs in muck and being all kinds of soul mates.


Are these the only two options we have?   A wham bang thank ya mam session with a bloke who more than likely sends a group text message to all of his current conquests if he hasn’t pulled on a night out to say “Hey, you awake?  Shall I come round?” or some 2 point 4 children, white picket fenced happily ever story book that is the last thing on your mind.

Is there an in between?  A compromise between the two worlds that doesn’t have to have a definitive label or any kind of pressure to be anything other than casual, but without that jealousy inducing feeling that the guy who you quite like dating other girls brings.

A while ago I did a post, “Desperately Seeking Snuggles” with a faux advertisement for a man who could provide some much needed cuddling and spooning.  In a similiar vein, when someone asks “what I’m after” in regards to a relationship, can I have a placard/readily printed business card to specify that I’m just after these things from an inbetweeny “relationship” (by inbetweeny I mean not serious/not no strings NOT half penis and half vagina type folk.  Not discriminating there but I don’t think I want one of those relationships, soz.)

WANTED:  Hygienic male who doesn’t take himself too seriously with an awesome sense of humour and nice hands to: share a curry with me and let me have the last piece of nan bread, make me watch action films that I’ll roll my eyes and groan about but secretly enjoy, text me when they’ve waken up just to say morning, play hard to get to keep me interested, take me to the pictures and buy me fizzy sweets, spoon in bed, tell me I look beautiful, let me take care of him every once in a while and give me heart melting/knicker tingling kisses that last for 10 minutes.