“This Ain’t Disney, B!tch”


Once upon a time there was a gentleman that made my heart pitter patter, and after a couple of weeks worth of text messages being exchanged morning through night, lots of innuendo-ing and those smitten tell tale red faced/goofy smiles. I free falled, crashed and then burned. (the term “falling for” would imply in this instance even a smidge of romance. A free falling,crashlanding-buzz is a much more appropriate description). In an honest exchange that I wasn’t quite used to, it was made clear to me that this little tete-e-tete was no fairytale ending in the making.

To be specific, I was told: “This ain’t no Disney film”

– at the time my wistful, romantic little heart drooped slightly at the prospect of a definite “no happy ever after”, but I soon came to realise that Disney may not be all its cracked up to be….

In our childhoods we were brought up on the films of Mr Walt Disney, where the mermaid/dog/human/beast overcomes whatever obstacle stands in their way and in the end love prevails. They fall in love, get married, live happily ever after yadah yadah yadah…


Here’s the happily ever after: the glass slipper fit, Cinderella went to live in a fairytale castle with Prince Charming, he went out to work all day riding around the land on his white horse looking for other damsels in distress to save, while she sat around at home buying glass slippers online trying to reignite the flame of when they first met. She’s now snubbed by the ugly sisters, has no dress making mice to talk to and is not even able to sweep the cinders from the fire because Prince Charming has maids to do that sort of menial work for her.

Where’s the fairytale in that?


When I was younger I liked Gaston from Beauty & the Beast – he was hot. Cocky, arrogant, all the townswomen swooned after him, he was besotted with Belle (but not in a doe eyed soppy way, in a “I want to lay you down on my animal skin rug and pillage you all through the night” kind of way) and when he’s singing in that bar about eating all those eggs for breakfast and being strong? I was sold. There may not be fat grand children in the offering with Gaston, but he was one of those “not Mr Right, he’s Mr Right Now” kind of guys who’d keep you on your toes and drive you wild. Contrary to popular opinion – women secretly love that. Because its exiting, its fun and it goes against the grain of what you should actually like. Hell, Taylor Swift even wrote a whole damn song about it (Google “That’s The Way I Loved You”).

I’m not mocking Disney or being any kind of a cynacist – I’m still very much a cheerleader for love. Out of everyone I’m very much the person who’s all “go love, its your birthday!” but life isn’t one size fits all. What I’ve come to realise is that love isn’t always the answer. Sometimes burning passion, desire and that Zsa Zsa Zsou feeling of having to have someone right there and then beats can’t live without eachother love. It’s person, and situation specific.

We’re conditioned to believe that every type of relationship we have with a member of the opposite sex (or the same sex, in that matter!) should lead down the rose coloured brick road to happily ever after. some people spend their entire lives leaping from road to road like a spaghetti junction of relationships so desperate to find “the one” that they miss the fun in watching that spark develop without thinking “OHMYGOD COULD I MARRY THIS PERSON” on the first date. While on the other hand, some are so desperate to fit the stereotype that they stay in relationships which on the outside look like “the fairytale” for far too long, even after they know in their hearts that it isn’t everything they thought it would be.

Without passion and desire, we’d be truly dead. Where is the fire, passion and the desire in a Disney film? I know they’re childrens films, and that fairytales are written for children, but long after we’ve learnt our ABC’s we’re still infatuated with this notion of of the happy ever after.

There are some people who due to circumstance aren’t after that fairytale just yet, they’re happy to try on plenty of glass slippers, kiss a few frogs and experience those blissfully wonderous “happy moments” of passion before riding of on a white horse towards “happily ever after.”

  • Lois

    I think this idea of ‘happy ever after’ is drummed into us at an early age through things like Disney films, we think it’s the norm… it wasn’t until quite recently that I actually thought…What if it DOESN’T all work out in the end? What if there’s never ‘the one’, the prince charming to sweep me off my feet….reality sucks :S