During a conversation with my GBFF (Gay Best Friend Forever), I came to the conclusion that perhaps my whinging about men is infact self inflicted. I appear to be some kind of dating masochist and instead of hitting up all the eligible bachelors where there’s a sniff of Mr Right, I seem to go after Mr Right Now men that are completely unobtainable in one way or another. I then wonder why I’m left baffled as to “why it didn’t work out” and quoting Boyz2Men/Bon Jovi/Taylor Swift lyrics on Twitter and find myself watching films like 500 Days of Summer.
Let me introduce you to my “Unobtainable Man Lineup”, gentleman I’ve dated/flung with in the last few months who haven’t worked out in the hopes that it will encourage me to break this dating cycle.
The Married Guy – HOLD YER HORSES and get back on said high horse – I didn’t know he was married. The whole “him being married” was obviously the stumbling block. Infact – I checked on numerous occasions that he was in fact single and only found out this guy was married after innocently find him on Facebook flaunting his relationship status. And pictures of his kids.
The Guy Who’s Still In Love With His Ex – it’s all well and good if a guy is labelling himself as being single, gives you his number and shows all the signs of being interested in you. But when it comes to fruition that he’s still hung up on an ex, it’s all going to end in tears. My tears, to be more exact. No one wants to live in the shadow of someone else, especially when you can see the wandering look in his eye like “my ex didn’t do it like that” , still texting her on a daily basis and stalking her Facebook. Ain’t nobody got time for that.
The Guy Who Doesn’t Want a Girlfriend – there’s this fundamental flaw with women… we think we can change a man. Therefore, when a guy says “I don’t want a girlfriend” it automatically throws down a gauntlet type challenge. Not every guy can be a pet project. Note to self: when a guy says “he doesn’t want a girlfriend”, he usually means it, it also means that he intends to wake up with a different girl every Sunday morning. Par example, this particular guy called me on a Sunday morning (after he’d left mine on the Saturday – nothing happened folks, I’m a lady), he called me to “chat” as he made the “stride of pride” home from spending the night at some girls house. I kid you not.
The Guy Who’s Moving to Canada – this one guy I was head over heels for. Dark hair, dark eyes, a guitar and a particularly sarcastic sense of humour. He also had a job and a house in Canada waiting for him and was in the process of obtaining a VISA so he could pack up and move to the land of Bieber and Celine Dion. The words “I’m going to live in Canada” would leave most girls deleting the guys phone number and waving them off with a hankie because of the head mess inducedness it would cause. Not me, that would be far too simple.
The Guy Who Lives Miles Away -I came to the conclusion after I’d been back on the dating scene for a few weeks that if I wanted to find a guy who had all of his own teeth, the ability to send a text message written in full english and had more ambition than to sit on a doorstep drinking cider from the can then I’d have to set my sights further a field than the offerings in Stoke on Trent. My sights wandered 161 miles away all the way to London. In the movies, I’d pack up my laptop and my lippies and spend every weekend commuting on the train and spending hours on Skype. In reality, long, long distance relationships are far too much work and “do you fancy coming round to watch a film, eat Chinese and spoon” (or everything else that I’m looking for) isn’t really an option.
SO there you have it – my dating lineup. Shall I just say that I told you so? If you could point me in the direction of the eligible bachelors, that would be much appreciated.
* if you’re reading this and you think you’re any of the men mentioned, you probably are.