The Art of Wanting What You Can’t Have


I’m quickly learning that when it comes to life, especially dating, that there is one universal rule of truth.

“We always want what we can’t have.”

When this rule is applied to men, it usually means that you want someone thats unobtainable (I have a whole host of them).  The man that doesn’t text back, who plays hard to get is usually the man who gets you hot under the collar is a prime example.  You fall hook line and sinker for their shifty charms, and before you know it you’re constantly checking your phone for replies from him or trying to think of witty and charming reasons to contact him. 

On the other end of the dating spectrum, take Mr “Eager Beaver”.  On paper he’s perfect for you, he’s intelligent, he’s settled, he’s not a murderer, he has all his own teeth and he’s good friends with Mr Full Stop, Mr Comma and Mr All Round Grammar.  HE’S A KEEPER.

Right? Wrong.

His eager beaver ways leave you a little un nerved and vying on the “if its too good to be true” side of caution.  He responds almost immediately when you text him, his messages are always long and witty, he remembers the small things that you tell him (such as your favourite food or future plans), he texts you first thing in the morning (and last thing at night) and makes the first move when it comes to initiating future dates. 

As you can tell, being an “eager beaver” simply = being a nice guy.

These are all the attributes that in theory we would like to see from Mr “I NEVER TEXT BACK”.  Should Mr “I NEVER TEXT BACK” actually have a lobotamy and begin to act like one of those “eager beaver” men we can’t stand, we would almost definitely develop a certain amount of disdain for them.  He starts texting you back, becoming all available and suddenly that hot under the collar feeling he gives you leaves you wanting to pile on layers of clothing whenever he’s around. 

Its the thrill of the chase that creates most of the excitement in this dating ritual.  As much as we’ll sit on the phone to our girlfriends whinging about him reading your message but not replying, we secretly crave it.  If he reads and replies to a message straight away, the chase becomes more of a half hearted game of kiss chase that you’re playing with someone who you really want to kiss.

Don’t even get me started on the moment you actually begin to like one of the “eager beaver” nice guys and he instantly becomes a Mr “I NEVER TEXT BACK”.

Dating = hard.  Pass me some Wenslydale & Cranberry and a Lovehoney catalogue, stat.

  • Jemma

    Great post! I know exactly what you mean. I spent nearly 3 years (I know, sad) of my life chasing after this one guy. I thought he was perfect but he never wanted me. The one day he did, I was extremely disappointed and after that moment, he became very eager which I hated. It’s hard being a girl.

  • I spent most of my youth chasing people and constantly being knocked back by Mr Bad Guys.. So it was actually quite a relief when I met a Good Guy and he did the chasing. Didn’t mean I made it easy for him.. it’s always more interesting with a few games involved!

    • Charlotte

      By a few games do you mean like naked Twister and the like?

      I know what you mean, I think sometimes we are conditioned to think that for something to be good its got to hurt a little, so the concept of a “good guy” is foreign to us… x