LOVE || Something Bad Happened

Bad dates! We’ve all had them…baddates…So when I was asked to talk dating to mark the launch of a new Take Me Out game, I figured why not share with you one of my “no lighty no likey” dates.

I had my worst date last year when I first started dabbling in online dating. In attempt to throw myself out of the frying pan and into the fire, I threw my “DATING SUCKS” caution to the window and allowed myself to go on a few dates. As Vivienne would say in Pretty Woman “Big mistake. Huge.”

This particular date I’d been speaking to via Plenty Of Fish (otherwise known as Plenty of Freaks) and we had exchanged phone numbers after a few days.  After spending around a week texting back and forth and having that terrifying first “online dating” telephone conversation (where you cross your fingers that the person you’ve been texting doesn’t sound like Joe Pasquale) he asked if we could meet  for coffee one evening after work. All sounds good, right?

First off, he was late, because (as he regaled to me upon arriving) he had have to wrestle a guy off of a girl at the bus station, to which he proceeded to ask me to gaze into the inside of his mouth to see whether his filling had fell out. Aside from that, all was going okay-ish until he suggested we move on elsewhere. Elsewhere was Game – yes, the store that sells computers and consoles. He wanted to speak to his friend and pick up some train tickets – would that be okay? “Sure” I nodded although I felt a little like a 15 year old girl stood around waiting for her boyfriend whilst he looked at computer games. As I browsed the shelves for about twenty minutes reminiscing on such classic games as Sonic and Spyro I began LIVE TWEETING my bad date. “LEAVE THE SHOP NOW”, “You have to just walk out of there, how rude” were the replies.   BUT, despite already being ignored on this rubbish date, Little Miss “Too Nice For Her Own Good” over here couldn’t do that, I’d probably just send him a polite “it’s not me, its you, you’re a bad dater” text at the end of the night and have done.

We eventually leave Game (him luckily without a Playstation controller lodged in his behind) and begin to walk to a bar nearby that HE suggested. On the way there his mobile starts to ring… insert dramatic “I’m sorry, let me just get this”…

“What?  Are you serious?  Is anybody hurt?  Oh god, I can’t believe it.  Yeah of course… yeah… I’ll be right there.  No, it’s fine.  Give me 10 minutes.”

“Something bad happened?” I asked.   And yes, something bad had happened.  Apparently.  CONSEQUENTLY his house had been burgled, glass everywhere, they don’t think anything was taken, but he had to go.  Right. That. Second.  Despite “something bad happened” he still tried to kiss me before he took a sprint, TRIED being the operative word.

If there’s anything more disheartening than your date running to the hills, it’s the date you didn’t even like running to the hills when you were considering doing the same thing yourself but were too damned nice to be so cruel.

He may have been a liar, but Oscar nominations go to him for the follow up to his escape plan.  After his 1000m Olympic style sprint I received multiple messages to advise me that the forensics unit were dusting for fingerprints and lifting DNA samples. One thinks that someone has been watching a little bit too much CSI and will also be spending a long time watching Babestation type channels for kicks.

Did I forget to mention that this guy was a ginger Robbie Williams tribute act who had had Robbie’s tattoo’s actually tattoo’d onto himself because inking them on for every performance took too much time? I should have seen the warning signs.

Let me know your worst dates in the comments – it’ll be nice to see that others have had similar (or worse) date disasters.  Please.

*collaborative post

  • Kara

    Just wanted to drop you a line saying you are not alone in the POF freak department, I went on a date with one guy who seemed normal via texts etc but when we met in person he was psychopath type scary and towards the end of the date SNIFFED MY HAIR!!!!

    I would of legged it (all of my friends told me I should have) but I wasn’t able to because he was holding onto my hair, imagine some perfect stranger grabbing a chunk of your hair and sniffing it from top to bottom then asking what shampoo you use SO STRANGE!

    If that wasn’t the worst one I also met a guy from Liverpool who on our first date casually told me he hides guns in the New Forest and would I ever like to shoot one and that he is part of a drug cartel in Liverpool and currently on the run hiding out in Bournemouth.. I feel I may be the most unluckiest person when it comes to online dating they flock to me.

    So don’t feel alone in the bad date department, haha.

  • Lizi

    Glad to see I’m not the only one with bad Plenty of Fish experiences! There are some things you can lie about online (eg you’re entire personality) and some things you just can’t (your height). He said he was 5’9. He was pushing 5’6. There was no chemistry, he was dull, I did all the talking, yet he still forcibly held my hand between pubs (awks) and then tried to do it again later on (even more awks) followed by a kissing attempt once he was pretty pissed (I was having none of it).

    You’re not alone with the Plenty of Freaks dating issues :)