Reasons Why I’d Rather Be Male Than Female

menvwomen

As promised after yesterdays “Reasons Why I’d Rather be Female than Male” post, I promised you a “Reasons Why I’d Rather be Male than Female” – and here it is.  I fought as hard as I could to leave out “I could stand infront of the mirror naked, grow my chest hair and stare at myself all day” but whoops… I just let it slip. 

So here we go…

Without makeup I range from looking “fresh faced” (if not a little pasty) to a sloth thats been hit in the face with a spade, dragged for three miles up a dirt track, reversed over, and then hit again by said spade.  If there wasn’t such marvellousness as makeup, which can transform women from that sloth looking person to somebody remotely human, women on a whole would be a lot more accepting of themselves and their “natural beauty”.  The idea of being able to roll out of bed, splash my face with water, run some product through my hair, throw on some clothes and being good to go like a man sounds like heaven.

They don’t over analyse.  There seems to be this ready programmed “spazz” gene in a womans mind that turns us a little bit mental when it comes to men (read an entire post dedicated to this theory).  I think that most women spend most of the time trying to convince men and other women that we’re not bat sh*t crazy, even though we are.  Men seem to be a lot more relaxed with the whole thing.  Some b*tch hasn’t text him back?  No biggee.  There’s no waiting by the phone or listening to love songs, its Xbox, beer and a lads night.

Men don’t overshare.  Women get together and more or less brain vomit all over eachother, by the time you’ve come up for breath, no subject is left uncovered.  Its so much easier for a guy, they don’t dissect the inner workings of eachothers minds or read eachother text message conversations theyve had with a girl for the last month.  They don’t go on ASOS and show eachother five different outfit options for a night out or discuss the latest diet they’re on and “do you think I look any thinner?”  Sometimes it just gets boring y’know, I’d love a conversation that involves “pass the Pringles” “don’t you think Julianne Hough has a banging figure?” and “int Breaking Bad amazing, mate”.

Being rude, sarcastic, and downright dry in tone is accepted.  In my office at work I’m seen as being a bit “laddish” due to my humour and the fact that I can more than handle myself with banter starts flying over the walls.  I can more than handle myself, infact, I’m pretty much queen of the banter in some circumstances.  Sarcasm, name calling and all round mocking is expected.  As a girl throwing all this out, you’re usually seen as being “one of the lads” – always the friend, never the fu…girlfriend.

Women have this natural instinct to mother a man.  No matter how old the man is, the natural instinct is protect, look after and be the voice of reason.  It can be a pretty tiring job.  I’d give a good handful of lipsticks to be the one who’s mothered.  Be cooked for, have someone remember my families birthdays (+ buy the gifts and the cards), make sure there’s always toilet roll in the bathroom or that the milk is always in date and not curdling away into some gym sock smelling mess.  Women do all this without breaking a sweat or chipping a nail .

MEN DON’T HAVE PERIODS.  Look, I know its meant to a beautiful and natura l thing which eventually leads to procreation and babies etc goo goo ga ga, lovely etc.  BUT, stabbing stomach pains, crippling aches in your legs, bloated stomach, a face full of painful under the skin spots popping up from nowhere, ratty and irritable moodswings, breaking into sobs in Tesco because they’ve sold out of your favourite yoghurts and not to mention having to dash to the toilet every 4-6 hours and wearing massive granny knickers – TMI? 

As per the above, men don’t have to give birth.  Squeezing something the size of a melon out of an “area” that size scares the beejeezus out of me.  Men on the other hand experience that “WHAM BAM THANK YA MAM!” sensation and thats it.  No weight gain, no waddling, no cravings, no stitches (ouch). 

Any more for anymore?

  • Bhavi

    Oh em gee preach sister. I always wished I was a boy. Like I know I’m a girl but men are just so much better off in so many ways! The biggest challenge they have in life is learning to tie a tie correctly and not walk in to walls on call of duty. Pricks. Plus, have you noticed all that lack of mascara gives most men eyelashes to die for. So unfair!

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