What’s up ladies and gents, it’s Ted here, the resident mutt and somewhat unofficial mascot of Ginger Girl Says. Her indoors is just having a glass of wine after a little bit of a misunderstanding about an argument between me and her Nars Velvet Matte Lip Pencil. How was I supposed to know it was her favourite and that I’d make such a mess chewing the life out of it? HOWEVER – judging by my paws and the state of my chinny chin chin it’s safe to say that those beauty bloggers I’ve heard so much about were right when they said its long lasting. Never mind, she’ll get over it… She already has a million more red lipsticks that I’ve been dying to get my chops round.
I thought that while I was in the doghouse I’d try and win some brownie points by writing her a blog post. Mum used to get so many boxes through the post; beauty boxes they were called I think (like she needs any bloody more beauty products) and I guess they were so she could try out new products she might not have tried before. Judging by the number of them I think there were a few different companies… Birchbox, Glossybox, Love Me Beauty box, there were more boxes than Deal or blinking No Deal. She doesn’t have them anymore tho (probably because she’s got no bloody room) but the other day a box was delivered via a lovely human who scratched my head and said I was pretty because I am quite pretty when I’m not chewing. Although I do love the smell of a freshly sharpened Nars lip pencil, this box smelt different from all the others which were full of lotions and potions and it made my whiskers twitch. What was this aroma coming from the box and why did it make me walk around on my two back legs whilst my tail wagged so rapidly? And why did mum put it on the floor for me to have a sniff off rather than keeping it away from me with a scowl?
Because this box was a bloody box for me. Yes, ME, the four legged fur ball of mums life (and Missy, that bitch). The Pawsomebox* (because it’s a box, it’s awesome and I have paws – geddit?) is SO much better than a beauty box. As well as a veritable mixed grill of treat goodness of faux bacon streaks and chicken nuggets doggy style (tee hee), rawhide balls (which are a little bit too big for my delicate chihuahua mouth so I gave them to Missy, God that bitch has some jaw power) and an array of toys for me to fling around the living room and keep me occupied while mum is at work. I especially like the stuffed cola bottle as its nice and soft on my teeth and it doesn’t hurt as much as the rubber rugby ball when I drop it on mums face first thing in the morning – she doesn’t tend to like that.
I love going for long walks on the beach or in the rain, anytime to be honest. I find it’s a bit of a misconception that little dogs like myselfdon’t really like mammoth walks, I’m a sprightly little bugger and could walk for miles and miles and still be ready to go again (much to mums annoyance) but during the dark nights my having dark fur means I can tend to disappear beneath the grass or just vanish into the night air. Luckily, Pawsomebox included a flashing light which clips on to my collar so people can see where I am – it’s like a mini Ted disco up in the hood when that babies a flashing and it also means I don’t get trodden on anymore… which happens far to regularly for my liking.
I’d hope that once she’s over the whole “lipstick-gate” scenario mum would treat me to another one of these boxes. Apparently they cost about 19 human coins, which I wouldn’t expect mum to pay on a monthly basis because that amount would buy a mound of those marrowbone biscuits that I like, but every once in a while I’d like to think that there would be a nice little treat to uncover. Whether it’s the latest in gourmet dog treats or toys for me to add to my collection of toys which I hide under the living room cutting and the bed JUST INCASE, I’d welcome another human delivery of THAT box and a rub on the chin from the nice lady.
Anyway amigos, I’ve just heard the rustling of the dog mixer bag so I better make tracks before Missy tries to snaffle all my food and I’d also best put on my best cute face and shower mum in love and affection. Usually works when she’s pissed off at me.
Love, Ted xo