Let’s start with this, I work in an industry where on a daily basis I see guys and girls chasing after each other. Spend enough time doing this and you quickly pick up on the different types of girls and guys there are out there…all with their different approaches, mannerisms and tactics when looking to hook up with someone of the opposite sex. A lot of my female friends come to me asking for advice on guys and how to play it…after they’ve told me afew things about him I’m pretty much able to work out what kind of guy he is and what tactics they should be using to get with him.
(it should be noted that this is merely to get you to that first date, how to reel them in so to speak…often my female friends they tell me I’m wrong, that I’m always so negative and should open my eyes to the endless possibilities of love and happiness after all, that’s what guys want too….only for them to then come back to me afew weeks later gritting their teeth and avoiding eye contact when they tell me how it all went wrong and I get to declare ‘I told you so’.)
You might be physically attracted to him, he may have a great personality, he may make you laugh or maybe he just takes loads of Instagram selfies of himself and his pug and you just ‘have to have him’. Regardless of your initial attraction, when he’s out, he will fall into one of several male categories.
So let me help you out. I’ve taken the whole male species and split them into 6 distinct groups. Now within the groups there are sub-sections and cross overs, but lets just keep it simple for now. I’m going to break this down into a battlefield analogy…every guy has a different approach/outlook to trying to hook up with a girl, so they choose the weapons in their arsenal carefully. Your job here is to identify what weapon they’re using, and how to counteract it.
Lets get started:
Players (Machine Gun)
This is the guy all women complain about, but depending how good he is at playing the game, inevitably sleep with. You’ll know him because he’s slept with your mate. He walks into a room, looks around and everyone’s a target. He’s the guy that will try it on with one girl, fail, then shamelessly turns around 180 degrees and hit on the next girl he sees. This will continue until he finally scores. To give him his dues, the boys got determination! The player comes in all shapes and sizes, but one tell to look out for…when you’re talking to him, he’ll be constantly looking around. Possibly looking for other targets, possibly looking out for any other girl (or her friends) who he’s currently ‘seeing’ to make sure they don’t see him with you. He’ll also be looking to wrap things up pretty quickly (something you’d probably want to make sure he does later on too if you do end up taking him home).
-How to close:
Don’t ask too many questions, don’t demand he buys you a drink, don’t try and drag him onto the dancefloor or start telling him all about your family/friends/life ambitions. In his head he’ll have allocated you a 15 minute window or so to seal the deal, if he hasn’t by then he’ll move on. (although don’t be surprised if he comes back later on having failed elsewhere aswell!)
Mr Calculating (Sniper)
The ‘Player’ upgrade. This guy used to be a player but is bored with the scatter gun approach to getting girls and instead has honed his skills. Now he sets his sights on one girl he really wants, and then makes it his mission to get her. Doesn’t need to be today, tomorrow or next week…he doesn’t mind the long game, but once he has a target in his sights he’s determined that she’ll be his. If you meet a group of guys, this is the one who’s confident enough to steer the conversation, who tells jokes, but never dominates. He makes his presence known, then sits back. Target identified, he’ll exchange flirty glances. He’ll come over and talk to you and for that period he’s with you you’ll have his full attention. Towards the end of the conversation he will make his intentions clear, literally. He will tell you that he wants you and will then sit back and wait for your response/reaction. This is a confident guy. Be aware however that this guy knows what he’s doing and often juggles multiple targets at the same time.
– How to close:
Let him chase you. This guy runs on the thrill of the chase. He wants what he can’t have, infact if you tell him you have a boyfriend or you don’t sleep with guys on a first dare (basically anything that isn’t an all out ‘No, its not going to happen’) that will just spur him on more. Sounds great, and while he’s chasing you it will be. But remember, you’re a target in his sights, and once he’s been able to take the shot, he will most likely move onto another target. The way to avoid this…once you have him, keep him guessing. He gets bored very easily, but will stay for something he’s not going to get elsewhere.
‘Lads’ (The Gun Show)
This relatively new breed of man is spreading like wild fire. They are identifiable by their low cut tops (probably displaying more cleavage than you are), tattoos (shoulder, full sleeve – but not of anything significant, probably just the first image that popped up on Google when they searched for ‘tattoo’) Freshly plucked eyebrows and perfectly sculpted hair. Most likely to be seen carrying a protein shake and tweeting/snapchatting about being in the gym. They tend to hunt in packs, have an affinity for taking their shirts off, and their approach to pulling on a night out is ‘well obviously she wants me…who wouldn’t want this’. They literally have no game when it comes to pulling, beyond removing their clothes and questioning your state of mind if you dare to turn them down. Inevitably end up spending most of the night with their ‘lad’ mates catching ‘banter’
-How to close:
Easy one, compliment them on their physique. Ask them how much they can bench. Ask about how many birds they’ve shagged this week and embarrassing stories about their mates. It baffles me why so many girls seem to hold them in such high esteem…but I suppose its because it comes in a nicely presented package. Just be aware that there really isn’t much below the surface. What you see is literally what you get
The Shy Guy (Spud Gun)
You know when it’s a sunny day, you’re out and about, you feel something on your arm so you brush it away and think no more about it. That insignificant nudge, irritation, scratch you felt is the perfect analogy for the shy guy attempting to hit on you. If he’s doing it you probably won’t even notice. Now there’s nothing wrong with the Shy Guy, infact he’s probably a really nice guy, it’s just for whatever reason he’s not confident enough to make his intentions clear to you. Infact, this is the guy who will manage to play it all wrong and be friend-zoned by you…secretly pining for you but never coming forward. Believe me, atleast one of your male friends is this guy, but you’ll never know it
-How to close:
Take the lead. Really simple one here. Don’t be too dominating, any kind of sex talk will probably make him uncomfortable, talking about other guys will make him think you like them over him. The simple answer, tell him you like him. Take his hand and take him to the bar for a more one on one interaction – he will be more comfortable talking to you away from his mates. Oh, and take his number and txt him first, because he wont.
Cling on (Cupids Arrow)
He has never been single for long, most likely (seeing that he’s now here with you) has just broken up with his girlfriend. Chances are she ended it (and probably cheated on him some time along the way). This is the kind of guy that I just want to grab by the collar and shout ‘MAN UP!” to their face. Similar to the Shy Guy in many respects, except he will make his intentions clear (eventually) and won’t leave you alone. He’ll tell you about how much he still loves his ex, how romantic he is….while also flipping it onto you – that guy your seeing doesn’t deserve you, you should have nothing but the best. Expect alot of txt messages, favoriting of tweets, likes on Facebook and probably even nice little letters and randoms presents.
-How to close
Erm…have a mental breakdown and think this is the best you can do. Seriously, no one wants this guy do they??
Mr Long-Term (Homing Missile)
This guy is the one you’re probably looking out for. He has a job, his own car, doesn’t live at home with his parents. His life has a plan, and part of that plan is to have a girlfriend…who will become his wife, who will become the mother of his children, who he will die old and grey with. When you see him out he’s probably well dressed and he’ll be wearing shoes…possibly loafers. Never trainers. His clothes will be from River Island or M&S depending where in the country he’s from and how old he is. The only issue I have with Mr Long Term is he’s a bit of a walk over and a lot of the times his relationships seem more like friends / brother & sister than hot lovers. He will be romantic in the way it tells you how to be in books or in films. He will treat you right, but just don’t expect the heat you might find with someone else.
-How to close
Be that middle of the road girl. Don’t be too risqué or dominate the conversation. Tell him you want a family, to settle down, you just haven’t found the right guy. Ask him about his life plans and seem genuinely interested in his job and his life. He will buy the drinks, just be aware he might not make the first move, so if you want him, make your intentions clear.
Caveat: I feel I need to point out that all of this is just for the opening act, the initial interaction. Once you’ve got the guy back at yours, one on one, and are considering seeing him again and how to move onto the next step, that’s down to you. No matter what kind of guy he is, if you want to keep him you have to get passed his exterior stereotype and work out who he really is. Once you know that, he could be yours for a while. Oh…just don’t be boring. You want to know why so many guys don’t hang around or aren’t interested in you beyond that first interaction? Because you probably bored them. You want an analogy…guys, we’re like cats playing with a ball of string. Once we’ve unraveled it its no fun to us anymore. So keep it interesting and you’ll keep him interested
Oh, and I should probably point out there is actually one other type of guy…but I’m not going to tell you about him, because if I ever bump into you in a club I want to know that I hold all the cards.
You can follow Oz on Twitter over at @oz_insatiable