It was the 25th March 2014 when I first heard the phrase “Concious Uncoupling“. It is now the 26th March 2014 and I have heard and read the phrase “Concious Uncoupling” more times than I have heard or read my own name THIS YEAR. Gwyneth Paltrow of Sliding Doors fame (remember that Aqua song?) and Chris Martin of Coldplay, the golden couple who married music with Hollywood and gave us Apple (no, not the iPhone) have announced their separation. Or have “Conciously Uncoupled” or split or, or… they’re just not together anymore okay?! I spent the best part of 25 minutes on the Daily Mail website scrolling through all of this before I hit news that WASN’T about Chris and Gwyneth. Or Chyneth, or Chreth (were they too cool to have a combined name liked Brangelina?) Remove the pretentiously titled “Concious Uncoupling” title on Gwyneth’s BLOG POST* announcing the separation (IMAGINE THE GOOGLE ANALYTICS ON THAT BABY), the nauseating rumour that Chris bought her a separation present of a painting of a “bird in flight” *vom* and the rather witty tweets which I admit made me giggle a little following the announcemeent and the whole thing is just a little bit….well, its sad isn’t it?
Splits, separations, divorces regardless of celebrity status are always going to be sad. Admitting that you’ve fallen out of love with someone and having to make the decision that your lives will be better off apart is a big decision. HUGE. & to have the whole thing played out in the circus which is the media with a host of tweeting spectators must be even more difficult. Imagine a normal person splitting with their partner and having everything about the relationship dragged up and scrutinised under a microscope. Every nice (or not so nice) Facebook status mentioning your former beau dissected, pictures of the two of you analysed to see when the cracks were showing, throwaway “marriage advice” comments you made to a friend being recycled into a headline of “she should have taken her own advice” (apparently Gwyneth once made a comment that the best way to make a marriage last is not to yell(ow) and plenty of blow jobs. Maybe that’s why I’ve never been married) and eventually pictures of you/him loading your belongings into the back of a delivery van after arguing over WHO get’s the Madonna albums (“I don’t want them, she’s your bloody friend!” said Chris, probably never. Maybe.) Surely the extra attention magnifies the whole ordeal to 100x and therefore calls for 100x more Ben & Jerry’s, blocks of Wensleydale and Cranberry, Sex & the City marathons and uncontrollable sobbing phone calls with your girlfriends…although I can’t imagine Gwyneth eating ice cream/cheese whilst sobbing on the phone to Cameron Diaz and Madonna. Maybe eating tofu over yoga and talking in very hushed tones.
I saw a tweet from Laura Whitmore of TV presenting fame saying that Gwyneth and Chris were her “role model couple“. Despite the whole split being very sad, I always found the pair to be a little bit *whispers* smug and irritating as a couple (mainly her) but the media attention brought two old school celebrity love splits flooding back to me which at the time made me lose all faith in love.
Britney and Justin (4eva IDST- before Britney shaved her head and back when Justin still had hair like a curly cheesestring the two former Mouseketeers were THE Prince and Princess of Pop. They toured together, they wore matching denim outfits… they were the epitome of southern puppy love and the media could not get enough of them. And then amidst a flurry of “did she cheat/didn’t she cheat” speculation the two split. Britney released Everytime, cried during a TV interview and attacked paparazzi with an umbrella whilst “the wronged” Justin released Cry Me a River (complete with Britney lookalike in the video) became mega hot, a film star, dated Cameron Diaz and married Jessica Biel.
Despite Justin wishing Britney “well” on several occasions (mainly during her very public breakdown) and Britney saying that Justin *sob* inspires her, any rumours of the two reigniting their romance seem to be just that, rumours, but I’ll forever be holding a candle that at some point the two and their denim outfits will reunite.
Nick and Jessica – remember when MTV was GOOD and it had programmes on that you actually wanted to watch which weren’t about teenagers getting pregnant and arrested and then pregnant again? Well that time was when the likes of Newlyweds and The Ashlee Simpson Show were about. I was obsessed with Newlyweds which followed the post marital “bliss” of country/pop star Jessica Simpson and 98degrees frontman Nick Lachey. The two were basically the poor mans version of Britney and Justin, but with cameras. She was spoilt, stroppy and a little bit stupid and he was patient, muscly and er, a little bit stupid, but the two were obviously in love if not a little bit out of their depth in the whole “marital bliss” thing). The couple split in 2005 with Nick marrying Vanessa Minnillo in 2011 and the couple having a child in 2012. Jessica Simpson donned some daisy dukes, became John Mayers sexual napalm, released a shoe and handbag line (surprisingly nice!) and has been pregnant/on a much publicised diet ever since.
I remember texting a friend when I heard the news of the split, something along the lines of “if Nick and Jess can’t make it, I’m never going to marry Prince William”… (thanks K-Midd).
Who was your celeb split?
(*seriously, if even A listers are blogging these days then what hopes do us normal folk have? Stick to your Oscars and massive paychecks)