I’m not much for gift guides, which is why I haven’t done any on my blog. I suppose its an each to their own situation, but there’s that many on blogs around this festive season that I think “Top 10 Gifts Under £10” has been done to death.
I decided I’d do one gift guide: The Single Girls Gift Guide.
Because, what exactly *do* you buy the single girl who has, well, nothing? (TONGUE IN CHEEK, TONGUE IN CHEEK) I can think of a few things.
I know there’s split opinion on Fifty Shades of Grey, but I for one loved it (and surprisingly not just for the smutty bits). When you’re single you spend a lot of time in bed, alone. Hopefully this will keep single Susan’s libido ticking over whilst she simultaneously falls in love with Christian Grey and hopefully doesn’t realise that because no man will ever be as enigmatic and sweet but sexually demanding as Mr Grey, she’ll probably never find a suitable suitor.
The Sqweel 2 doesn’t exactly look like a sex toy, mainly because it isn’t long or phallus looking in the slightest. Actually, first up let’s stop blushing and giggling and acting like women don’t “do that” or own anything like this. Because that’s just as phoney a lie as Santa Claus. This battery operated friend is an oral sex simulator. Yep, that’s right. Oral. Sex. Simulator. It has lots of mini silicone tongues that rotate for “your pleasure” (it also means you don’t get cramp while your legs are akimbo in the air whilst a guy is having a harder time navigating the more erogenous zones of your nether regions than . Just to help the single gal in your life get things started (because who knows how long she’s been out of action), you may as well add some lube* to your Lovehoney basket.
We all love a good cuddle. Come to think of it, a bad cuddle isn’t too shabby either, which is why this Boyfriend Arm Pillow is perfect for any single girls bed. You get to reap the benefits of a manly cuddle without the added “eugh, there’s a man in my bed” factor of him stealing the bed covers, “subtly” rubbing his crotch against you at 3am or farting throughout the night. As Charlie Sheen would say…. #WINNING.
If you’re concerned that the above and the obscene lack of any real male attention is enough to send your single friend into a spiralling fit of despair and a wine fuelled haze because she’ll never enjoy that sick in your mouth excitement of a first date or experience how it feels to have the weight of a man upon her body, then a Match.com subscription could be the gift that keeps on giving. Let’s just hope it gives a bit of manly satisfaction/true love rather than gonorrhoea/herpes/chlamydia or anything that makes her itch, eh?
I have my eye on that Boyfriend Arm Pillow.