LIFE || Like An Episode of Cribs

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Do you remember when you were younger and you used to watch MTV Cribs and salivate over the not so humble abodes of the rich and the famous?  No?  Well I did.  The multi million dollar mansions and New York penthouses were always decked out with all of the latest gadgets, sumptuous decor, acres of land and no matter how unreachable those celebrity abodes seemed in terms of what the average Joe (or Charl) could realistically afford in the small city of Stoke-on-Trent, my imagination would still run wild.  I’d be led around the sprawling properties of Miley Cyrus, a young Destinys Child, The Osbournes, 50 Cent, Mariah Carey and of course Richard Branson and his own damn freaking ISLAND (not jealous) and I would be envisioning my own home.  When leaving the comfort of my mums house and embarking on a home of my own I’d envision that I’d somehow hit the money jackpot and be able to deck out my crib with some of the must have items from the show to try and channel the lifestyles of the rich and the famous (I also wouldn’t mind a couple of those celebrity boyos draped over my sofa or in my hot tub).

Lets have a look at some of the must have “Crib” items.

The Walk In Wardrobe

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I’m looking towards Mariah Carey’s epic walk in wardrobe in her New York skyscraper multi floored apartment.  The diva completed several outfit changes throughout the episode including showing off her gym whilst in a “festive ensemble” and heels.  Rows and rows of designer dresses, cut off jeans circa the Heartbreaker album and little tank tops for those notorious Mariah, er, lungs and monogrammed initials decorating the floors of the palatial space enough to put Carrie Bradshaw’s closet to shame.  Oh, did I mention the whole seperate room/closet full of shoes?  Closet porn. The closest I’m getting to that is my spare room, a spare wardrobe stacked high with shoes and a floordrobe/chairdrobe.

The Pool

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Nothing says “I have more money than you” than having a swimming pool smack bang inside your house.  The bigger and the more elaborate the better.  The Playboy Mansion has the infamous Grotto for example.  “Woke up this morning feeling like P Diddy, now going for a dip in my Olympic size pool #dontbejel” is a tweet I’d love to send.  The unlikely celebrity winner of the cool pool?  The model Caprice.  During her episode on Cribs UK she revealed her basement swimming which, wait for it, turns into a dancefloor at the push of a button.  Bye bye water, hello boogie.  There’s also a massive projector screen above the pool for watching movies while having a swim/dance.  The closest I get to a pool-come-dancefloor-come-movie theater is when I’m creating waves in my bath tub whilst singing Drunk In Love into a loofah and watching Dawsons Creek while my tablet teeters dangerously close to the water on my laundry basket.

The TV Bed

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You were nobody on MTV Cribs if you didn’t have one of those beds which had a magical feature.  A TV which appeared at the bottom of the bed at the touch of a button.  When they say “this is where the magic happens” I presume they meant the ability to turn your bed into a movie theatre for one (or two)(or three, if you’re a bad ass rockstar like some of those MTV Crib people) at the click of a button.  Netflix marathons (or watching your own music videos if you’re one of the musical elite) are now achievable for the non celebs of us with a range of TV beds offering a variety of these magic beds to fit your decor mood (at non billionaire celeb prices!).  I’ll have one in each colour for each of the bedrooms in my soon to be mansion.  Thanks.

The Movie Theatre

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Not content with having a living room or one of those TV beds which most normal people would be happy with, the size of ones “at home movie theatre” is the MTV Cribs version of comparing the size of your wang.  “Mine seats 9” “mine seats 12” “mine seats the whole of the Kardashian/Jenner clan with extra wide seats for the Kardashian girls derrieres”.  The size of the screen, the snack selection, the comfiness of the seats, its all relative to how much dollar you’re packing.  It puts my 43″ TV and sofa to shame, so much so that I tend to make up for what I’m lacking with calorific junk food and my selection of chick flicks.

The Money Shot

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On every episode there’s the one sequence which appears to be the MTV Cribs money shot… the refrigerator.  Whether the refrigerator in question is single fronted/double fronted or if it has an ice cube dispenser, it’s usually full to the brim with an array of colourful or healthy looking food and the standard bottles of Moet or Dom Perignon, just in case anyone fancies a glass of cheap fizz during movie night.  A picture of my fridge once got 35 likes on Facebook because it depicted the fridge of a single female:  3 bottles of wine, 2 Refresher bars, a Chomp and a Fudge bar.  True story.  (Yes, that’s a rather different looking Kim K in a tracksuit jacket.)

What more does a girl need?

*this post features a sponsored link but it’s entertaining nonetheless

  • Joe

    I used to love cribs!! What happened to the good tv shows on MTV?!

  • Fee

    I use to love Cribs!

    Love your writing style btw! Should comment more often.

    Fee x