I’ve been through a few “Life Lesson” posts on the blog. I’ve done “Life Lessons I Learned from Buffy the Vampire Slayer” and of course “Life Lessons I Learned from Sex & the City“. These were both TV shows that moulded my teenage and adult years but what about before those when I was wide eyed and everything was shiny and new?
We forget that as well as being “Happy Ever After” and Disney Princess type films, the Disney films of old are riddled with underlying moral lessons which as children we subconciously absorb, it’s only when watching the films when a little older that we’re conciously aware of such lessons. I’m sure I’m not the only one who has watched The Little Mermaid as a fully fledged adult and sang all the lines to every song. I’m actually convinced that if they ever decided to make a theatre adaptation of the film that I’d fight tooth and fin to land the part of Ariel, despite not being able to hold a note but desperately trying to throughout every kitchen performance of Part of your World (I have the soundtrack on my iTunes).
My Disney heroine was always Ariel. She was a mermaid, she could sing, her best friend was a fish and of course, she had red hair. Whats not to love? She also got to marry Eric, who in my eyes is the most handsome out of all the Disney man eye candy.
Lets take a look at what The Little Mermaid taught me whilst having some fun with a few Tumblr gifs.
Life Lessons I Learned From The Little Mermaid
You know when you’re sixteen and you think you know everything, can do anything, will do everything and nobody will ever be able to stop you because as Aeriel put it “I’m sixteen years old, I’m not a child!” Well you’re mistaken. At sixteen you don’t know anything, not really. You don’t have enough life experience to make monumental decisions which is why your parents (despite you feeling like they’re trying to ruin all of your fun) are there to help you navigate those difficult years the best they can. Because y’know what? They were once your age too and so they know these things. I wish looking back I’d listened to my mum more, argued back less and taken her advice.
If you want a guy to kiss you staring at them intently until they read your mind isn’t the way to go about it, firstly, men can’t read minds and secondly, it can also look quite creepy/psychotic. I learnt at a young age thanks to Sebastian the Crab that the way to get a guy to kiss you is all in the eyes and the lips. Just ensure your lashes are super fluttery and your lips are buffed within an inch of their life and BAM. Smooches a plenty. Granted, Ariel didn’t get to smooch Eric after putting Sebastians advice to good use, but she did have those pesky eels c*ck blocking her whilst Sebastian conducted an orchestra of frogs and turtles.
“You gotta, kiss the gurllllllll….Sha la la la la my oh my.”
Before Beyonce’s bootylicious butt bounce and before Miley’s twerk was even a twinkle in Billy Ray’s Achey Breaky Heart, there was Ursula and her Kardashian-esque booty. She may wear hideous blue eyeshadow, her earrings/hair may slightly resemble Pat Butcher and be a self confessed complete witch, but there’s denying that Ursula has the moves. As with Sebastians “bat your eyes like this, pucker your lips like this” body language is important.
It doesn’t matter if you try to do this in the sea, in the swimming pool, in the bath, or in the rain. You WILL NOT, I repeat NOT look elegant like Arial when flipping your hair back like this. Your hair will stick to your face, water will go in your eyes and you’ll have to do the “reach around for a towel” thing whilst spitting out water and contending with nose snot. In theory, you look like you should be in a Herbal Essences advert, in reality you look like you’re drowning. Just. Don’t. Try. It.
Love isn’t mathematical or logical. You cannot ascertain whether somebody loves you by plucking the petals off of a flower, nor can you by ticking some boxes and adding up how many a’s, b’s or c’s you got when doing a Cosmo quiz. The sooner you accept that all rationality is generally lost once you make gooey eyes at a person, the better. After all, swapping your voice so you can can grow a pair of legs to try and win the heart of a man you’ve met once is anything but rational.
We’re responsible for our own lot in life. Sure you can sit around waiting for good things to come to you but how often does that happen, really? In order to make something happen you have to work for it, get off your backside (or fins, in Aerials case) and make it happen.
Beauty is on the inside. You can throw as much MAC make up on your face, backcomb your beehive and wear as many vintage tea dresses as you like but if you’re U.G.L.Y (you ain’t got no alibi!) on the inside eventually that will show through and the facade you make will be broken. Eric may have been smitten with the good looking Ursula, but y’know what, that was all magic. A fight with some sea creatures, a smash of a necklace and Ursula was shown for what she really was – a nasty little witch.
Please excuse me whilst I go and sing Under the Sea and Poor Unfortunate Souls whilst in the bath.