It’s Like I Wrote Every Note With My Own Fingers

Memories for me are tired to music in the same way that Danny and Sandy go together like whamalam…something.


I discovered a CD recently, lost in the depths of my mums musical collection, and unlabelled mix CD of songs from my teenhood (I wish it had been a mixtape as they were so much cooler and retro, which is why I’m using a picture of a mixed tape, my blog, my rules).  This was 10 years ago, and as I approach my 10 year anniversery of leaving school, with a class reunion in the pipeline and after having read Hannah’s “A Letter to my 16 Year Old Self” and it made me think about the teenage Charl.

I wasn’t always as cool as I am now (LOL ROFL etc), at school I was a geek. I’d be the one with my nose in a book or spending my lunch break teaching myself HTML in the IT lab than gossiping about boys. I would do extra homework for english lessons because I just couldn’t stop writing, I chose to study a completely different Shakespeare play than the rest of my class, with no help from my teacher and still achieved an A. I was painfully shy, although I was always affiliated with the “popular” crowd. I was an ugly duckling with ginger hair, pasty skin and was carrying puppy fat which is still going strong. I would write my own notes to excuse me from PE lessons because this lesson meant changing infront of girls who were thinner than me and meant I’d have to run/sweat/embarass myself infront of other humans, resulting in my frizzy ginger hair absorbing said sweat and developing a life of its own.

Behind the geekery, frizzy ginger hair and the funny/sarcastic comments I’m notorious for – I was a little bit emo in my own ginger way. My parents split up when I was 14 and I developed crushes on boys who were way out of my league and treated me in the way that immmature boys do (name calling and ripping up your love letters AFTER they’ve shown them to their friends). This made the last couple of years in high school a bit of a “struggle” for me. I’d spend a lot of my time in my room at home, waiting for “him” to sign on MSN and changing my status to some deep lyrics (probably from one of the songs on this CD) or for him to text back to my 3310 while listening to some kind of angsty music. Looking back now with a little bit of life experience, understanding of empathy and putting yourself in somebody elses shoes, I realise that everybody was probably going through the same thing back then. e.g growing up, becoming a mini adult and starting to get a taste of the big wide world.

When I found this CD, I felt like I’d been ripped from the world that I know now and transported back in time 10 years. I was 15 again, lying on my twin bed, in stonewashed jeans at my childhood home, my 3 CD changing stereo on my drawers and probably blocking out any attempts that my mum made to speak to me (because thats what teenagers do). I wanted to share the playlist with you…

Ben Kweller – Falling
Busted – Without You
Evanescence – Bring me to Life
Good Charlotte – Emotionless
Marilyn Manson – The Speed of Pain
Marilyn Manson – User Friendly
Metallica – Nothing Else Matters
Simple Plan – Perfect
Simple Plan – Addicted
Nada Surf – 80 Windows

…what songs remind you of your teenage years?

  • This is massively embarrassing, but the mixtape thing that I listened to age 15 while on msn/being a geek, (how I was a geek and a chav at the same time is beyond me) was full of songs made by my friends – when I say ‘songs’, I mean MC style raps recorded in their bedrooms, giving several of us ‘gyaldem’ a name check, meaning we felt important…also, by name check I mean ‘shoutout to my home girlz Baby Ditzee, Laydee Shexy etc…’ say no more right?

    Found that CD a year or so ago, still knew it word for word, hilaaaarious.

    Holly Mixtures

  • Abi

    I had a similar high school experience. Seeing that list, Busted – Without You in particular transports me straight back to Year 9.