LOVE || Football Season Survival Guide for All The Single Ladies

As you’ve probably been able to tell from your Twitter timelines at the weekend – the football season is back. That means tweets about footballers with names you’ve never heard before, tweets limited to one or two words (so as not to take up valuable football watching time) think “GOAL!”/”SO CLOSE!”/”REF!” and lots of tweets about fantasy football teams, leagues, points and players.

Womens opinion on football varies. I have one friend who abhores football and thinks that men who watch it are “sad”, they’re even worse thought of if they actually play football (apparently males over the age of 14 shouldn’t play football). There are other girls who love “the game” and get as passionately involved as the blokes do.

I sit somewhere in between.

Although I don’t follow any particular team, pretend to understand the unwritten laws and etiquette of football or particularly care who is signing for what club…. I enjoy watching football and inturn I appreciate the enthusiasm and passion that supporters have for their club.

I wanted to write a little bit of a…

Football Season Survival Guide for All The Single Ladies

(as ever, my tongue is firmly in my cheek)…

If you’re single it may seem like all of the men have gone into hibernation. They’ve disappeared from the beer gardens, the cinema or from texting back and instead are “at the match”. If they’re not at the match they’re waiting for MOTD to come on or they’re watching Sky Sports News.  Indefinitely. Your chance to meet a man is slashed from slim pickings to just about picking. Fear not, I have a couple of (almost) fail safe plans for you. Ever heard the saying “if you can’t beat em, join em?”

Round up your mates (male is preferable), don a football shirt (its a scientific fact that men find a girl in a football shirt HOT) and head to the pub where they’ll be showing the latest “big match”.  All of the men who appear to have deserted the streets will be there, in bulk.  Copy peoples body languages, hold your head in your hands when someone is sent off, shout “OH COME ON REF!” when someone is caught offside (DONT ASK WHAT OFFSIDE MEANS!), jump around with excitement when the favoured team score (key word is FAVOURED here).  Also, if you position your sitting/standing position next to your preferred gent, you’ll be forgiven for embracing him during post goal excitement.  Win. dbfootballmontageLet me put this to you – football teams are made up of 11 players, plus subs. There are two teams. That means 22 players on the pitch at any one time. They’re wearing shorts, they’re running around getting sweaty, testosterone pulsing. IT’S HOT (see visual aid above, granted, they won’t all look as good as Mr Beckham looks but it can’t hurt to have a half naked Beckham picture in a blog post…right?)  You’re not limited to sitting on the sofa or in a pub watching them on screen. Check out whether any male friends play for any local non league clubs. Better still, show up to show some support to your “new best friend” during his match.

Or you could check out local pubs. Most local pubs are the meeting place for these non league clubs.  The team usually gather there on a weekday evening after training and then after their match on the weekend. The football team for my local train on a Thursday evening and go back to the pub for a swift half and then for chip baps on a Sunday.  Where do you think I’ll be spending my Sunday afternoons?

As they say in football – SCORE.

Come on you Reds!  Blues? Er… Greens?

  • Simon Bowers

    Noble. But I like your ideas. It is also true, men DO love a woman in a football shirt, hey any sports shirt at all…. it’s always a winner. I just want to follow you into a pub showing football and watch what you do; I think there’s more comedy in that and another blog post! ;-)

  • Holly

    Telling girls to behave in that manner, gives the girls who actally go the match. Know the rules and love the game a bad name. I am a season ticket holder at a premier leage football. Not a silly “tellyclapper”. I find this article very patronising