“My life happens on occasion to suck beyond the telling of it. Sometimes more than I can handle. And it’s not just mine. Every single person down there is ignoring your pain because they’re too busy with their own. The beautiful ones. The popular ones. The guys that pick on you. Everyone. If you could hear what they were feeling. The loneliness. The confusion. It looks quiet down there. It’s not. It’s deafening.” – Earshot, BtVS
Over the last few days I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m a feelings hibernator. When someone hurts my feelings I push it down into the inner depths of my being, smile, and move on. In some instances this can be a good thing, there are small things that people say or do that may tick you off but they’re not a reason to get deeply offended and start World War 3: Atomic Bomb Stylee. Then there are those things that get said that you can’t repress or hide away from because they’re quite simply far too hurtful.
When you have a row with someone, things will always get said in the heat of the moment that you don’t mean, they roll off the tongue like raspberry sauce off a 99 Flake and before you know what you’re saying – the damage is done. I’ve been guilty of this in the past, I’m sure we all have at one point in our lives or another. It’s as though you float up out of your body and hear yourself say something and you actually “bitch, please?” yourself. You clasp your hands over your mouth like Aerial in the Little Mermaid when Ursula the sea witch takes her voice and in your head you’re hoping the person you’re talking to has gone momentarily deaf. But they haven’t and they’re looking at you like you’ve slapped them round the face with the biggest, smelliest, wettest fish in the entire land. How do you go about digging yourself out of this hole without making things worse?
When somebody you once thought of as a friend or an allies makes hurtful comments it can shatter your self belief and confidence completely. I’ve never been the most self confident person, I feel like recently I’ve regained a part of myself that I lost for a while but I went through a serious bout of woe is me last week after one too many heated conversations with friends, and people who I thought were friends. I was reprimanded for posting about a particular comment made to me via Twitter, but then decided that if I can share the things that turn me on about men, then surely I can discuss anything for this is my place on the web, freedom of speech, women burnt their bras for me and all that jazz.
“you don’t know anything about real life, one day real life shit, life changing shit will slap you in the face.”
Assumption about someone else’s life or making judgements based on what you see or read is hurtful. Especially when its via the internet, through reading someone’s Twitter feed or seeing what they post on Facebook. Assuming you know the ins and outs of somebodies life is simply that, an assumption. I might prance around of my blog and on Twitter writing about hot men or blushers, lipsticks, knickers and carb-orific foods – but that doesn’t mean my life is worry free. That doesn’t mean my life has been perfect and that doesn’t mean that life hasn’t slapped me in the face already. To assume this is small minded. I’ll never make the same sort of assumptions with other people, I also wouldn’t presume that somebody elses life experience and personal circumstance would determine how much they know about so called “real life”.
Everybody puts on a front, choosing to wear a certain make up or wear my hair in a certain way or dress in certain clothes covers up or enhances areas that I may not be overly confident about. I see an online presence the same way as make up or clothes. People are very careful of the image that they portray online, you put on a front and a face that you want the “social media” world to see – how you want to be perceived. This doesn’t mean that that is where your life begins and ends. I am not my Twitter feed, I am not my blog, I’m so much more than that and have been for a good 25 years and it pisses me off when people see and think that they can make assumptions about what “real life” experience I have had based on that.
So I’ll carry on living my so called “ghetto booty” lifestyle, playing the part of a “wild ginger girl” when in actual fact, most nights I spend in my living room, in my PJ’s, eating cheese and watching The Kardashians. Wild.
Assume = to make make an ass out of u