LOVE || Digital, Digital Get Down

*to the tune of Frank Sinatra “My Way”*

“Dating sites, I’ve seen a few, then again, too few to mention….

Ok “few”, that’s a lie. I’ve been on most of the free dating sites. I’m not ashamed to admit it *sticks hand in the air* HI I’M CHARL AND IVE DABBLED IN INTERNET DATING.


Why? Number one, because originally it intrigued me and number two? Its bloody hard to meet people.   Outside of going to work and going out at the weekend, I don’t really find the opportunity to find fresh meat new men. The only men I meet are in pubs, and by the time I’ve kicked up the courage to actually approach conversation with a man, he and I are both fuelled by beer/vodka/jaegerbombs/god only knows what else.  In this situation slurred words and beer goggles reign supreme and at this point I’ve possibly made him a witness to my awful attempt at recreating the Blurred Lines video like I’m one of those hot PVC undies wearing models.


Therefore dating sites, with all the stigma that they may hold, are the next best thing to a pub. Remember how Mark Zuckerburg wanted Facebook to be a college campus but online? A dating site is a pub full of single people, online.

A dating site is home to the exact sames characters you would find in a pub.  There’s the people who clearly aren’t your type and who you wouldn’t touch with a barge pole, the people who are ridiculously out of your league so you don’t even make eye contact with them, the ones who are on your level and have all their own teeth/can spell and are therefore fair game and then there are the ones who are blatantly just out to bed someone.

Sometimes you can go to a pub and it might not be your lucky night, other times you can be metaphorically be rolling in choice, that’s like a dating site.  There may be 200 people you find attractive, there may be 1 person or there may be none.  Luckily, there is fresh meat new men/women joining daily.

So far I’ve had 3 internet “dates”.  In case you by internet dating I don’t mean that you sit in a chat room on webcam or on Habbo Hotel. We’ve gotten past Yahoo chat rooms and nowadays people actually venture out into the real world. Shock, horror.   They go for alcoholic beverages in bars and for coffee and they talk face to face. It’s basically a blind date, without the blindness – you’re basically just cutting out the middle man (be it a friend or a colleague) and scoping the person out before hand.

I have to admit, I’m a pretty fussy internet dater. I reject most of the men who contact me based entirely on these factors:

Their first message.  Cheesy lines, one word messages or filth get instantly ignored.  As do questions about the pubic hair activity of a ginger person (I get that a lot, unsurprisingly).

Their profile picture. I’m not shallow, but a physical attraction is a requirement – “a face you may grow to find attractive” is never going to beat the face of a guy who makes you want to tear off his clothes, tie him to your bedpost with your favourite  Zara scarf while you lemon curd his privates.  , & if they’ve managed to string a few words together

Spelling and grammar.  I can’t be coping with “ur” “how r u” or “u ok” – I need some correct usages of “you are”/”you’re” and “there”/”their”/”they are” and some punctuation wouldn’t go amiss either.

I know that’s picky but they’re my bottom lines, along with clean finger nails, good hygiene, nice shoes, the ability to make a decent cup of tea and the willingness to watch chick flicks with me and not complain that they’re stupid.

As yet I’ve not met my ‘Mr Right’ online, but then I don’t think that’s what it’s about and that isn’t what I’m expecting from online dating at all.  I’m fully expecting in my romanticized brain that life will pan out differently from that and that I’ll meet my Mr Right when we both order the same drink in Starbucks, or we both reach for the last packet of 2 cheesecake slices in the Co Op reduced section and he suggests we go back to his and share it whilst watching re runs of Breaking Bad. Y’know, like in a movie?

When it comes down it, it’s a way to meet new people, open yourself up to conversation with people who you wouldn’t normally speak to, hone your conversational skills, maybe go on a couple of dates – who knows, you may even have *gulp* fun.

TTYL, just received a message on POF.

  • I think “while you lemon curd his privates” is the funniest line I’ve read in a blog post all year.

  • I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years and I met him online…
    Hey, if you ever need a feature? ;D

    Vickie xo

  • Jenni Tulip

    I haven’t tried online dating for myself but have ‘helped’ friends and my dad (I find it really fun) with finding love online, and I am in a relationship but my advice is; give guys a chance that you normally wouldn’t. Why? Well, my guy really is ‘the one’ and we are very much in love. We met through friends and get on extremely well. However, I often wonder whether I would have dated him if we had me online. I really doubt I would have given him a chance based on what he would have included in his profile; he’s an IT manager (bo- o-o-oring), he loves Lego (so did I when I was, like, 10) he is part of a sound system crew who puts on club nights and raves (screams self-obsessed, arrogant, I’m-a-super-star-DJ kind of twat to me) and has a sporty car (dickhead). But, actually, he’s amazing! Being an IT manager means he’s good at dealing with situations and can fix my laptop when it gets a virus. The raves are really cool and he isn’t arrogant and his car is…well… not my thing…but I couldn’t have dreamed for a more lovely guy. So, please try give more guys a chance :D xx

    • Jenni Tulip

      Oh, and he can’t do the grammar thing either, but he’s dyslexic, so I can let him off, He wouldn’t have included that excuse in his online profile!

  • Sophie

    I signed up to POF as a way to meet new people as I moved to a new place. I didn’t think I would get anything out of it except a few free drinks! Well long story short, I met my boyfriend on it and we now live together. It can work; and I think it is the way forward to be honest! It’s so hard to meet people out and about that you have to be a little proactive.

  • Mel

    I just love lemon curd.