I saw this quote on a fellow High Tea Cast-ers article this month, and it practically jumped out my computer screen, did a highland fling infront of my face and then screamed “YOU HAVE TO WRITE ABOUT ME CHARL!”

With sl*t shaming becoming the newest excuse for women to forget everything that the Spice Girls taught us and hate on eachother, it got me thinking – what exactly maketh a sl*t?

Sl*t shaming is described by Wikipedia as – “a label for social control of sexuality by exposing a woman to shame for engaging in – or being perceived to engaged in – unlawful, abnormal or unethical sexual behaviour. Some behaviours and events which may expose women to sl*t shaming include dressing immodestly or provocatively, requesting birth control or having premarital or casual sex.”

– So most of the female population of the UK then?

Let me break it to you gently. Women have sex. They have sex with 1 guy, maybe 2 guys, maybe 3 guys…hell women might even break into double figures at somepoint. They engage in one night stands, they have relationships, they date, they break up and they engage in what has infamously been identified as “a booty call”. The thought that women sit around waiting for the man of their dreams until they find a man with the perfect “key” to put into their “lock” is about as dated as a scrunchie hair bobble.

Women have urges the same as men do, ones that a battery operated buzztoy from Lovehoney can’t always fulfil. We’re red blooded, fuelled by hormones (and sometimes, lots of rose wine/gin) and because of this, “casual sex” does ensue…and with it comes a massive side of double standards. Give me a man and a woman who’ve each slept with the same number of people. The man is seen as a #LAD, high fives all round, “you da man!” etc… the woman will be immediately sl*t shamed.

“OHMYGOD SHE HAD SEX OUT OF WEDLOCK/ON THE FIRST DATE? SL*T!”

With the majority of women citing TV programmes like Sex & the City as a much loved show.  Throughout the series, the Sex & the City ladies rack up quite alot of gentleman callers, 94 men and 1 woman. with Samantha Jones (unsurprisingly) leading the ladies at 41. Carrie and Charlotte tie at 18 men, and Charlotte comes in at 17 – however, to quote Carrie (to Charlotte) – “You have had a decent amount of bone in you”. And that’s just the number we know during the span of the series (infact, in the episode “Are We Sl*ts?” Miranda reveals to Steve that her number (in season 2) is 42. I wonder whether they apply the same cynicism they do of “normal” girls as they do with fictional characters?   Because I see that the same people who watch the series and become emotionally involved in the love/sex lives of these characters are the same people who are throwing around this “sl*t” label. So what’s with the double standard there?

A sex life is a private life. Private – ergo, no one elses business.   Imagine that each persons “number” was as common knowldge as your surname, who makes the rule on how many men is too many men? (and if there is such a thing, I don’t think I like the sound of this world!) Is there an average number of people you’re meant to sleep with throughout a lifetime which constitutes your sl*t level? If you don’t sleep with that average number are you frigid? If you sleep with more then are you a sl*t? Its a sexual minefield out there.

There’s no formula where by:

 a (your age) divided by b (how long you’ve been single) multiplied by c (how many nights you’ve been out ‘on the pull’) subtract d (how many relationships you’ve had) which should = what your ‘number’ should be.

Life isn’t science or mathematics, its feelings, heart and instinct.  I’m not saying one should hitch ones skirt for each man who so much as looks in your direction.  I’m not advocating that at all.  There’s no need harm in enjoying yourself but I believe that you need to feel secure in yourself and happy with the choices you’re making.  Well informed decisions that you aren’t going to regret or beat yourself up for somewhere down the line.

On the same note, don’t judge people based on their personnel preferences. Who they choose to sleep with, how often, in what position or where.  This is as much their prerogative as how many sugars you have in your tea or what brand of toilet paper you use. As long as they aren’t bumping uglies with the Irish rugby team on your kitchen table while you try and eat your Coco Pops, does it really affect your life? (Mmmm Irish rugby players and Coco Pops, there’s an image I’m a fan of).

But for gods sake, use protection or you’ll more than likely end up a rash or a screaming child and not knowing who to blame.