We talk about everything don’t we? There’s no subject that isn’t covered when we get together for a girly chat, and sex is no exception. How much do you share with your girlfriends about your sex life? I was always a nod along and smile knowingly kind of girl but after finding myself single a couple of years ago and I threw myself into single life and sexual reawakening, I found myself becoming much more open about sex/screwing/shagging. The one thing found was that when it comes down to getting naked in the bedroom, the majority of us have one thing in common:
Sex body hang ups and bedroom body confidence.
Remember the scene in Bridget Jones where Bridge slips out of bed with and starts to get dressed under the privacy of the bed sheet to save Mark having to see her wobbly bits in all their glory? I’ve discovered that I’m not alone in having my own wobbles, both emotionally and physically.
When you’ve been in a relationship for a considerable amount of time, you become very used to your partners body and in turn are used to them seeing yours. Whether I’m in the bath, legs akimbo or making a cup of tea, I’m often wandering around the house naked.
Through both weight loss and weight gain, being in a long term relationship meant that I’m comfortable with my partner witnessing the ever changing cycles of my body and all inhibitions were long gone.
When I found myself single again, slightly squishier than I’d have liked (I like the term “marshmallowlike“) and having my confidence knocked completely was a terrifying place to be. The prospect of the first time baring all for a new gentleman made me want to relinquish all rights to sex and live in a onesie in a Convent.
I have these sneaking moments of paranoid insecurity where, WHAT IF, contrary to my beliefs and after all the hard work I’ve done learning to love myself, the curves I have are in all the wrong places and not the right?
What if my bum is more Nellie the Elephant than Kim K? What if my thighs jiggle like jelly on a plate rather than in the seductive way that Beyonces do? My practically transparent Caspar skin splattered with freckles although “classic” is far less attractive than a gleamingly bronzed figure and although I like to think that I’m capable of a sultry look, what if I look more like I’m having a stroke than “come hither”. Morning sex only magnifies this. The last things I need to emphasise my insecurities is light bouncing off my skin like some kind of Edward Cullen. Late night reveals are best, preferably without any kind of moonlight, perhaps in complete darkness, all cats look and feel the same in the dark after all.
I’m sure at some point in our lives, we’ve all sent some kind of sexy picture to the opposite (or same) sex. Breathing in, awesome angles and particularly fabulous underwear go a long way. But throw that body into some kind of motion, and I imagine every extra inch of flesh sway in slow motion like one of those crash test dummy videos where they fly forward in their seats, arms and legs akimbo, seat belt stretching, and then back again with a thud.
My single friend voiced my same thoughts… “I’ve got two fears in being a fatty and having to reveal all my fat to the male of the species. 1. What if hes one of those freak chubby chases and feeders who is heavily turned on by my fat and wants me to sit on him? 2. What if he changes his mind in finding my curves attractive when he sees them all naked and lardy?”
In hindsight, I was of course overthinking the whole situation. When a friend discussed her own insecurities and concerns for the “first time” with a prospective bed buddy, my common sense came to fruition: “if you’re both naked, in bed (or on the kitchen table, wherever you life) & he’s ready for action, he can’t find your cellulite, jiggle, or fat that unattractive, right? And if he does find any of that a reason not to be in bed with you, would you really want him to witness the goddess that is you”?
It’s a typical case of practising what you preach.
We’re all entitled to our confidence wobbles, it’s only natural but squishy bits, jiggly thighs, cellulite, stretch marks and big bums – when it comes down to it, what should matter once you’re in bed with someone is what’s to come (operative word) and not what you look like or how long your ass wobbles for after its been slapped.